Overcoming Fear at Pe’ahi

I set one main goal for myself this season, catch a wave at Pe’ahi (Jaws). I said it in my head, out loud, and wrote it down. I visualized what it would look like and feel like. When the opportunity came I didn’t know if I could actually do it, fear started taking over.

I sat on my board in the lineup for over two hours. I started thinking to myself, maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I’m not ready. And then my mindset shifted. I looked around and took in the beauty of the place. I was in the middle of the ocean with a front-row seat to a wave that is a wonder of the world, surrounded by towering cliffs, the sun warming my face. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for my Grandma who I’m afraid I might lose soon. Surfing big waves is scary, but it takes us out of the real fears in life and into the present moment.

I let go of my expectations of catching a wave and thanked the universe for giving me this moment. And of course, that’s when a wave came. It had the look I wanted and without a second thought, I turned and started paddling full force. I knew the motions and I went into autopilot, driving by feel. I felt that magic moment when you stop propelling yourself and the wave has you. I got to my feet, stuck my hand in the wave for balance, and flew down the wave. All I could think was “you did it, you’re on a wave at Pe’ahi!” It was the loudest wave I’ve ever heard, the lip sounded like it was crashing into pavement. It was also one of the most beautiful waves I’ve seen, clear, blue water, moving in perfectly timed choreography.

I tried to hold my line but I had dropped too far down the wave and I knew I was too deep. I prepared myself for impact. The lip caught up to me and blasted me like someone flicking an ant off the table. I didn’t care though, I was so happy and full of adrenaline that I happily went for a ride in the whitewater.

I felt like everything I worked for came together for that one wave. The last and most important ingredient was surrendering to the moment and overcoming fear. Achieving my goal was the best feeling and I still can’t believe it happened.